The Day I Died

I have really good and really bad intuition. I have always chalked it up to never really knowing how to use what I have. Every time I dream about something and then it happens, I am shocked, because I have no idea how to tell the difference between a dream that’s a dream or dream that’s going to happen. And since I can’t explain why it happens at all I’d never think to tell anyone that it’s real. It’s all very confusing.

Sometimes I know somethings going to happen and I never dream about it and it still happens but sometimes I think somethings going to happen and something else happens. I know SOMETHING’S going to happen but I don’t know what.

But I felt pretty sure I was going to die the next day on the day before the day I died. I was heading out of town by myself, it was going to be wintery conditions. I was packing extra clothes and a heater, because there was a chance I would run out of fuel for the furnace.

Knowing I was going to die the next day didn’t prompt me to change my plans. It’s probably better, anyway, I said to myself, for it to happen when I am far away from the people I love.

I wondered what was going to happen. Car wreck? Heart attack? Bear attack? Hypothermia?

The morning of the day I died, I got up early so that I could kiss my husband goodbye properly, tell him how much I loved him, give him a big hug. I made sure to text my daughter, tell her how much I loved her, how proud I am of her. I snap chatted my sisters and mom. Check check check.

I felt at peace. I drove grateful and appreciative for my life. I turned up the radio and sang along. I stood outside and felt the snow on my face, watched a beautiful sunset over the lake from the dock.

The propane tank leaked when I turned it on so I wasn’t running the furnace, just two electric heaters. I tried not to think too much about the fact that I was probably going to die in my sleep. You can’t complain about that too much, that’s arguably the best way to go.

I didn’t sleep well and I didn’t die. Matthew Perry did. I don’t know why that happened, and I can’t find anyway to connect the two, but I tell you what, I think he was at peace.

Friends forever

Nic