Greetings and Salutations

Greetings and Salutations! (Little line I stole from Charlotte’s Web, thinking about using it for my out of office response, provided I am ever out of office). How are we all doing this week? I mean, aside from the stock market declining, the coronavirus looming, the impeachment hearings, the steady stream of earth quakes and wildfires and the threat of war- otherwise all good? Glad to hear it, just checking in!

Today I looked up the seven plagues. Right after I read about locusts in East Africa and the new death toll in China. Good news, we still have to go through frogs, flies and water turned to blood before worrying about our firstborns!

The world these days, though, right? It’s like do I just go on each day of my life like all this crap is not happening or do I have a nervous breakdown, become a prepper, invest all my money in silver and gold and move to a remote cabin in the woods?

In a week I am traveling to TX. One, the coronavirus is there and two, on my last flight there was a medical emergency.

Have you ever been on a flight with a medical emergency? The flight attendants come on the speaker and they are like, “Are there any medical personnel on the plane?”

How crazy is that? Like sorry pal, no doctors on board today, guess you are sh*t out of luck. Nice knowing you.

It made me wonder why medics are not required on every flight.

I’m hip to HIPAA so I won’t be telling you the deets but let’s just say it was a crap shoot, and scary as H E double toothpicks but everything worked out ok, at least while we were trapped in a capsule hurtling through the sky.

The paramedics boarded the plane as soon as we landed, and we all breathed a collective sigh of relief. The “please don’t let someone die on our plane” was implied.

Would I seem like a crazy person if I told everyone at work that I don’t want to fly to Dallas because A) Coronavirus and 2) (shout out to Mad About You, if you get it you get it) CORONAVIRUS and C) lack of adequate medical support on flights?

I’ve been on a lot of flights. The ratio of medical emergencies to no medical emergencies is pretty small but I gotta say, it only takes once.

Hi, I’m Nichole and I would like to never fly again, k thanx bye.

I am not usually a person riddled with anxiety. I am the person who tells other people not to stress out about things they cannot control.

I’ll be getting on that flight to Dallas. We just go on, right?

I already told you how I lost thirteen pounds..go, me! It was totally an accident. That has never happened anytime in my life except one. When I was getting ready to move out of my house and in with J, I miraculously dropped two pants sizes. I went to buy some new jeans and somehow a miracle had happened!

That miracle was likely the result of the extreme anxiety I had about leaving my house, about taking a gamble, about disrupting my daughter’s life, about giving up my independence, but I didn’t see it at the time- usually I eat my feelings.

An accidental weight loss is a red flag for me. But what do you do, when you have no control?

“Greetings and Salutations!” you say, “it’s just a fancy way of saying hello.”


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