The Big Comfy Coat

Last year I ordered a new winter coat. I had a good coupon (40% off!) so I went all out. Good to forty below, down to the knees, nice hood, water repellent material. Bright blue.

To my disappointment, when it arrived it was ginormous. It’s a problem I have when I order things online. I always think I’m fatter than I am. (There’s probably a diagnosis for that but if there is don’t tell me, I don’t want to know).

I am also a very bad product returner. This is why I don’t just sign up for one of those shopping services that sends you a box each month after you tell them everything you hate. “Just return what you don’t want” turns into four bags for the goodwill.

I always try to give stuff away to people I know who might want or use it, but most of it goes to the goodwill which I also don’t feel THAT bad about because there’s no better thrift score, for clothing at least, than something brand new with its tags.

I put the coat into one of my four goodwill boxes which I have been assembling for some time in an effort to not keep every single thing I’ve ever owned in my entire life.

A year later, I was sitting outside being kind of cold and I suddenly thought about the coat. Why couldn’t I still wear the coat at home?

I consider it a personal failure whenever I take something back out of the goodwill boxes but danged if I didn’t go downstairs and get that coat out of the box.

It really is a very large coat. It passes my knees and it wears like a bell shape because of all the extra room, maybe more than a foot of extra.

It turns out it’s the best coat I’ve ever worn. I’m only wearing it at home, but we spend a lot of time outside year round so I’m wearing it daily.

When I sit, it’s like a soft pillow. The extra fabric makes it like I’m somehow wearing a snuggly down comforter. The pockets are soft and warm fleece and I can fit five apples in one of them. (For the deer!) It reminds me of that old children’s program “The Big Comfy Couch” which was about a clown and her gigantic comfy couch only it’s me (still a clown) and my big, comfy coat.

The “garage coat” I’d been wearing before had a broken zipper and lost its hood. I’ve never had such an efficient and delightful garage coat.

“I have to admit,” J said, as he sat in his garage padded flannel missing all but one button, “I’m kind of jealous of your coat.”

I offered to order him one, raving again about the benefits of a down coat three sizes too big, but he declined.

Me and this coat are best friends now. It’s going to be a long winter, but we’ll get through it together.

Hope you’re having a good Fall,

Nic

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