SMILE! You’re on Camera!

I’m turning into one of those people who could move into the wilderness forever.

A big chunk of wilderness, so the neighbors are far away, and there are no cameras. No security cameras no doorbell cameras no cellphone cameras no trail cameras no drones with cameras.

Did I ever tell you how I almost know a murderer? My in-laws hundred year old neighbor’s niece. She killed her husband (their nephew) and fled to Texas.

In Texas, she befriended a woman about her age at a bar, and the cameras saw them leaving together.

The hundred year old neighbor’s niece killed that woman, too, with the intent of stealing her identity.

They caught her, of course, because of all the cameras. On the news somebody-or-other said that the average person in America is on camera sixteen times a day.

I know I post my whole life online with time stamps. If you’re keeping a spreadsheet you probably have my routine all mapped out. And even though I tell it not to, my phone talks to other devices (for the love of god no, I do not want to sync my device!) I know my privacy is an illusion. But I’m still sick of cameras.

The other day I went out the front door to take a picture. Two minutes later my cell phone beeped, it was the neighbor across the street.

“I saw you taking a picture of that buck,” she said.

I looked over, and the front shades were closed. I’m pretty sure it’s the doorbell camera.

I should stop here and tell you that I love the neighbors. They are a sweet, senior couple. My husband tries to help them out when he can, I like to send food over when I can (and when it doesn’t have carrots). It’s not their fault that I hate cameras, and it’s a good safety measure for them at their age.

I don’t have a doorbell camera because I prefer that the number of times I order chicken wings per week stay between me and the delivery driver. And if someone steals a package, I’m sure my neighbors will see it. (They better not say anything about my chicken wings!)

After my husband accidentally “took a leak” (idk it’s what guys say) directly in front of a trail camera, we instituted a new rule that we sweep for cameras whenever we stop on a trail.

(And if you got ten pictures of my husband peeing sorry about it but that’s your own fault)

There was a story recently about how scientists are putting cameras in the wilderness to study wildlife and inadvertently catching humans being bad on them, setting them up for a dilemma about to do with the ill gotten information.

Look, I’m not going to murder anyone, poach any animals or steal your package, but that doesn’t mean sometimes I don’t do things out in the wilderness that I prefer to not end up on the internet. I mean it’s me, my husband, beautiful scenery, a soft bed of pine needles and all the time in the world. Anyway, trail cameras are my least favorite sneaky camera.

If you put a trail camera on my big chunk of wilderness I’m going to smash it with a rock.

I think the difference, and the reason I’m ok with my phone but not sneaky cameras is the sneaky part. I choose what I put online.

Our neighbors at the lake installed security cameras so we are always conscious of what we do in the backyard because we know that’s in camera range. Our other neighbors gave a long list of people that are recording us when we go for a walk down the private road. (Private road, ha!)

I’m starting to feel like all the things I do to escape are a farce, I’m never really escaping.

A cabin in the woods, isolated and private, where I never have to worry about someone recording me picking my nose sounds divine.

In the meantime, SMILE YOU’RE ON CAMERA!

Have a great weekend,


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